Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005


A Night Out

   Joe bought a box of chocolates for Iris. Just before he left to meet her, he met his brother, Owen, who said, "You're going out with the librarian again, are you?"
   "Iris, yeah."
   "What are ye going to do? Play bridge for the evening?"
   "We're going to the theatre."
   "Going to the theatre with a librarian. Ye might as well be playing bridge."
   Owen put on his best suit and went to a bar, where he met a very tall woman in a black dress.
   Joe knocked on Iris's door and gave her the chocolates. "They're just the ones I like," she said. "Thanks."
   "You're welcome... I lost my tie in the woods."
   "Yeah." He nodded.
   Owen asked the woman he met in the bar if she'd like a glass of champagne. "Okay," she said. "Just the one."
   He woke up in the morning in a hotel where a women's basketball team were staying, in a room with all of that basketball team. An ostrich was there too.
   One of the women said to him, "Would you mind taking the ostrich home?"
   "Yes, of course."
   "I think his name is Gilbert."
   He couldn't remember how they got the ostrich, so he had no idea where Gilbert's home was. He went to a bar, hoping a drink would clear his head, but he had to leave when someone tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, but your ostrich is trying to take that man's umbrella."
   He managed to get Gilbert outside. They walked through the park, where they met Joe and Iris, who were eating ice cream cones by the lake.
   Owen told them what happened and Joe said, "There's a lesson to be learnt in this. If you..."
   "Attack, Gilbert. Attack!" Owen said as he pointed at his brother, but the ostrich just looked back at him. "Come on, Gilbert." He walked away, and Gilbert followed.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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