|Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.||
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
The White Coat
Hugh looks at the apple trees, takes a deep breath of the fresh air and says, "A gypsy once told me..."
Hilary and Clare look towards him, but he doesn't know what to say. He looks at the words on the back of his hand for help, but they just say, "Don't start a sentence with the words 'a gypsy once told me'." And the word "don't" is underlined.
He looks around and sees a white coat on the clothes line, so he asks who owns that, and Hilary says, "Stan was supposed to play the part of the snow in a play, but he had no idea how to do it. He tried to do a little dance on the stage, and the director just shook his head. Then he tried making a sound like a ghost. The director said, 'You'll be making sandwiches for the rest of your life.' Stan looked so sad then, and the director said, 'That's exactly what I'm looking for.' Stan didn't know what he was doing, so he just tried to think of making sandwiches for the rest of his life. Every night in the play he just stood on the stage, dressed in white, thinking of making sandwiches, but it was no fun thinking of making sandwiches, especially seeing as that's what he was doing every day. He was hoping that the acting would be an escape from that. Coming home from work was as dreary as work, especially when the days got shorter. And now once again there's just near-darkness and then darkness as the evenings close in, and the leaves fall from the trees. I didn't know what to say to Stan, so I said nothing, and the silence seemed to say it all, more than I could ever say anyway."
There's silence for a while, until Hugh says, "You know, a gypsy once told me..." He looks at the back of his hand again. "Damn!"
The Tree and the Horse
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises
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|very slight stories||
They Met a Bear
They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."
The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.
One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
Eight nine ten.
Debbie and his dog
Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
"Is your dog my parole officer?"
She was sick of people asking her that too.
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