Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005



   As the band play on a small stage, the drummer notices a chimpanzee standing next to him, just staring at him. In a break between songs he says to the chimp, "Do you want to have a go?"
   He hands the drums sticks to the chimp, who runs away with them. He runs down the street and hits everything he can possibly hit with the sticks, like lamp posts, railings or shop windows. He gets into the church and starts hitting the legs of the choir as they sing. He loves the sound each one makes when they're hit.
   On the way home, he's sitting in the back seat of the car, eating crisps. Jonathon is driving, and Alice is in the passenger's seat, looking back so she can talk to Freddie, the chimp. "That was very bold. Have you learnt your lesson?" The chimp looks up from the crisps. "Good boy."
   In the woods, there's a magician with a rabbit on his head. He's talking to an owl in a tree. "Please come back," he says. "We all miss you." The rabbit shakes his head. "The place just isn't the same without you." The rabbit shakes his head very slowly.
   Jonathon and Alice arrive with the chimp. "Just let Freddie sort this out," Alice says to the magician. Then she turns to the chimp and says, "Go on, Freddie. You can do it."
   Freddie picks up a stick and starts hitting things with it, mostly tree trunks or legs. Then he climbs the tree and tries to hit the owl, who flies away.
   "He doesn't normally do that," Alice says.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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