Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Robbing a Bank

   There are two bank robbers in the middle of the field, pretending to be a cow. "So where's the bank?"
   Martin and Elaine go to meet their friends, Gary and Nicole, in town. They walk around the shops for over an hour and then they go for a coffee. Before going home, they arrange to meet again for a game of tennis.
   Martin climbs the stairs at home, but he stops on the first step. He has a feeling that something isn't quite right. He tries to think of what it could be. He stands there for a few minutes before walking on, but he stops again two steps later.
   He has a beard by the time he gets to the top of the stairs, and then it finally dawns on him. "They were string puppets!"
   He runs back downstairs and says to Elaine, "Gary and Nicole are string puppets!"
   She remembers their shopping trip. When Nicole was using her credit card it took ages for her to sign her name, and at the cafe, Gary missed his mouth with the coffee cup. "I thought I was just being paranoid," Elaine says, "but I was starting to wonder if those people were following us around."
   They go to see their friends, and Martin says, "Are ye just string puppets?"
   "Is that a real beard?" Gary says.
   "Ah... yeah. I just lost my... hat earlier, and I was wondering if ye might have seen it."
   "Right. We better be off then."
   As they drive home, Elaine says, "Was he gluing his hand to the dog?" Martin brakes and turns around.
   Gary is in the garden. His hand is stuck to the dog, who's dragging him around the lawn. "Did you glue your hand to the dog?" Martin says.
   "No." The dog runs towards the gate and takes Gary with him, but he stops suddenly and walks back the way he came. He stops again. "Is that really a cow?" Gary says.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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