Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006


The Chase

   A man with a beard goes to the podium and says into the microphone, "We, the people..." He pauses to wag a finger at the audience, then he runs away. The audience follow him.
   The chase goes on down the streets of the town and out into the country. Sophie and her friends stop at a quiet crossroads to find out where they are. She looks at a map and says, "This little road looks a lot like this little road."
   Keith plays a few notes on his tuba. He always plays that tune after she says things like that. It's meant as an insult, but she smiles and claps her hands.
   They see the man with the beard on a bike. He's cycling very slowly up a hill, and the speech is in a basket on the front of the bike. He's being chased by a woman who says, "You left me at the altar."
   "It was an accident. I got lost."
   "Why didn't you call me?"
   "I tried. But I couldn't."
   "Why are you trying to get away from me now?"
   Sophie turns to Keith, smiles and says, "Do they meet again in a garden, surrounded by daffodils and this fish, and they don't know they have feet -- they just forget for a while. And she gets a call on her phone from the fish. The fish and all his family work in a call centre. Then it gets dark and the moon opens his eyes and smiles at them. He was in prison once, the moon, and he worked in a call centre too. They sit together at a table and eat dinner, and all the wine bottles dance for them. And then they have to pay for their dinner and the wine. They forgot about that too. And the fish had told them this would happen. Then they run away to get married. And they all live happily ever after. In a shoe."
   Keith takes a very deep breath, and then he plays those notes on the tuba as loudly as he possibly can. Sophie jumps up and down and claps her hands.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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