|Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.||
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
I saw her in a bar, and her Spanish eyes said 'come over here'. Because she was from Spain, her eyes were Spanish. I think the same applies to her neck. I went over to her and said hello. She said, "Of all the places the world could come to rest on a Tuesday afternoon, this is just about the best."
I looked around. She was right.
She said, "Some people say to me, 'You have little legs,' but I say to them, 'You're holding the binoculars the wrong way around.'"
She smiled. I didn't know if that was meant to be a joke. It's the sort of thing that can happen -- holding the binoculars the wrong way around. I said, "Does the same apply to your neck? I mean, can I buy you a drink?"
"Sometimes I wonder if we're all just little dots on a blank page," she said. "Little pencil dots, not even ink. Little ill-defined dots. We're lost on the snow-covered mountains, and there are monks with Saint Bernards out looking for us. And as you wonder if they'll ever find you, you remember the film Roxanne where Steve Martin had a really big nose, and he was in love with this woman, and she falls for him in the end, I think. And you remember someone who had a big nose and you didn't fall for him because of his nose. You wonder how you could have been so shallow. It all becomes clear then. He did smell a bit funny. And I couldn't get the words 'you can take your stinking armbands and put them in your stinking bottle with your model stinking ship' out of my mind."
I looked around again. She was right about that too.
The Tree and the Horse
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises
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|very slight stories||
They Met a Bear
They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."
The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.
One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
Eight nine ten.
Debbie and his dog
Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
"Is your dog my parole officer?"
She was sick of people asking her that too.
More blogs about Storytelling.