|Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.||
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Myself, Jimmy and Chadwick went to an art gallery one day. We told Jimmy to at least look as if he was appreciating the paintings. His method of appreciating things was nodding at them, which he did in front of each painting. He looked at each one for about two seconds, nodded, and moved onto the next one. He was appreciating his tenth painting when we were still at the first. He thought someone might notice his indiscriminate nodding, so he shook his head in front of one painting.
He met an art critic, who told him all about the exhibition. He said to her, "Do you have a knitting needle in your hair?"
"No," she said. She took the knitting needle out of her hair and hid it behind her back.
Jimmy was just about to say something when he remembered the last time he antagonised a woman who had a knitting needle, so he said nothing. She shook her head, and her hair fell down over her shoulders. He remembered the last time a woman let her hair down while standing in front of him. "Do you want to go for a drink?" he said.
So they went for a drink, which became a few drinks, and then they went back to her place and... My glove puppet will finish this story:
"When a man and a woman really love each other, they have ways of expressing that love. But only if they really, really love each other. And remember, a lasting relationship can't be based on lies about your knowledge of art or how many horses you've fought."
His name is Peter, the glove puppet. He only has one eye. He could have two if he wanted to.
The Tree and the Horse
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises
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|very slight stories||
They Met a Bear
They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."
The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.
One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
Eight nine ten.
Debbie and his dog
Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
"Is your dog my parole officer?"
She was sick of people asking her that too.
More blogs about Storytelling.