Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, July 18, 2006


When You Have All These Moths

   When you have all these moths, and you're wondering what all these moths are going to do, it's worth remembering that fate is the thing in your ear that says, "Ha! I'm in your ear now." I'm more worried about the thing on my foot.
   The milkman's name is Fred and his broom stick is a Doberman, and he wants to give up being a witch and focus on being a milkman, but he doesn't want to disappoint his wife again. I asked him about the thing on my foot. I thought he might know something about it, as a witch, not as a milkman, but he just left me alone with his wife.
   She often pretended to be someone else because it didn't feel right when she pretended to be someone she was. Thursdays bring hats and scarves, and they always help her pretend to be someone else. Fridays bring coffee. The dogs come around every Monday on this merry-go-round of days. They always look surprised.
   She said that something might arrive on Sunday that could help with my foot, but all that arrived was a cake. She was pretending to be a French actress on Sunday. We went to a museum of people holding their hands in the air and singing sighing songs. The songs and the hands seemed to contradict each other. Their eyes sided with the songs.
   We stood outside in the late afternoon, facing the sun, singing songs with our hands in the air. The thing in my ear hummed along, and it didn't seem so sad. I completely forgot about the thing on my foot. That was the beginning of our brief affair, and it ended an hour later when Fred and his broom stick walked into a room. I convinced him that I was having an affair with a French actress and I left. We'll all meet again some faraway day at the edge of the Arctic Circle, because we're afraid. Of pandas. And whatever the moths are going to do, it'll be an anti-climax.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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