Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.





'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

 

Dean's Wife

   I met Dean in the clubhouse at the golf course. We started talking about golf and our jobs and why the rugby team couldn't play their way out of a paper bag, or beat a paper bag even if they did get out. I mentioned that I recently got engaged (this was rugby-related) and he told me about his wife. He's married to a woman with a multiple personality disorder. One of her personalities is called Jane and the other is called Sandra. They dress differently. Sandra is younger and more adventurous than Jane. Neither personality is aware of the other's existence, although Jane suspects that something is wrong.
   His wife also has a multiple body disorder. Jane lives at home with him and Sandra lives in the city. He's been playing along with her delusion for years, just to keep her happy. When he goes to Sandra's apartment he tells Jane that he's been held up at work. Sometimes he tells her he's going on a golfing trip with his friends and he takes Sandra away for a weekend. He says it hasn't always been easy for him, but he's managed to keep both Sandra and Jane happy, and their marriage has been a success.










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Words are my favourite noises


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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

Counting
  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  "No."
  She was sick of people asking her that too.







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