Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, October 30, 2007



   Walking was something I had an interest in, but it made it difficult to stay in the same place, which I also had an interest in. It did enable me to meet people who shared my interest in staying in the same place. Unfortunately, we couldn't agree on where that place should be. Some places were close enough for us to communicate by shouting. I never needed to communicate with the people I was close to, apart from when I had to shout at them.
   Language is the adhesive that sticks me to the world and sometimes in the silence I float away. When I was four I found the words 'Fall in a hole'. I used them to build the phrase 'Fall in a hole, y' ding'. I used the phrase at every possible opportunity. These words stuck me to the world but they kept other people away. I needed a phrase that was like fly-paper, so other people would stick to me. The phrase I chose was 'Will you marry me?'. I said it 327 times before someone said 'yes'. I had to say it another 151 times before another woman said 'yes'. But we never got married. She left me just before the wedding. We didn't make it as far as the altar, but we had written our own marriage vows. Hers sounded more like a job description. I didn't mind that, but she definitely had a part-time job in mind. I'd have married her if it was a cleaning job.
   I was alone again. I went back to the woman who had first said 'yes', and she was still alone too. I don't know if we'll ever get married, but we've been standing within shouting distance of each other for a few hours every evening, and we both enjoy it, so that bodes well for a successful marriage.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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