Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, May 20, 2008


When Sally Met Sally

   When Sally met Sally they drove to the coast. In a field overlooking the sea they saw a balloon. Dave said, "That's not a balloon," trying to sound knowledgeable about balloons. "That's a shoe." He said that with complete confidence in his knowledge of shoes.
   Sally said, "Well what is a balloon?" She tried to sound up-yours-Dave.
   He said, "I will demonstrate that... forthwith. I don't know if 'forthwith' is the right word, but it's the only one that came to mind. I like the word. I must find out what it means. I hope it means what I think it is. I'd be disappointed if it meant something else, like green, or a vampire."
   He was trying to buy time so he could think about what a balloon is, but he couldn't think about that while he was talking about 'forthwith'.
   "You're just buying time," Sally said.
   "Yeah Dave, you're just buying time," Sally said.
   "I'm not," Dave said. "If I was buying time I certainly wouldn't be talking about the word 'forthwith'."
   "Well then show us what a balloon is."
   "I will. Follow me."
   They followed him. He pointed at things and said, "That's not a balloon." When he pointed at a pin he very nearly made the faux pas of saying, "That's a balloon." But a pause followed 'That's' and it ended with a 'not'. When he finally saw a balloon he recognised it straightaway. He pointed at it and said, "That's a balloon."
   Sally and Sally nodded because they knew he was right. Dave got out a list with the heading 'Things I really shouldn't forget'. He added the words 'What a balloon is' to the list. He married Sally and he added the words 'Which Sally I married' to the list.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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