|Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.||
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
After Harry was beaten up by shadows, someone suggested he go to self-defence classes, so he got tennis lessons from a woman called Brenda, who taught tennis as a martial art.
Harry was terrified of her. He ran away in the middle of the first lesson, but she followed him. She was determined to track him down and teach him tennis whether he liked it or not. He needed protection, and he thought that Amelia would make the perfect bodyguard. She was so tall she could lean over him and look at his back when she was standing in front of him. He used to pay her to do this.
He asked her to stand next to him and she agreed, but only if he stood next to her as well. She'd follow him around and occupy the space by his side as long as he spent some time following her around.
She wanted to go to watch her sister look for her car keys in a field. "She thinks she lost them when she was walking the dog," Amelia said to Harry, "but they're actually in her car."
They spent two hours looking at her sister in the field. Amelia thought it was hilarious, but Harry was bored. When her sister gave up the search, he took Amelia to another field to watch his friends re-enact a battle between goblins and aliens. She got bored after a few minutes and she started talking about a film she saw when she was six. It was about people who had birds in their heads. This was all she could remember about the film, but she still managed to talk about it for over an hour.
They needed to find something they both enjoyed. They experimented with lots of different activities. They went roller-blading and they went to pottery classes. They watched a performance by architects who were settling a difference of opinion concerning an aspect of the design of a building they were working on. This was how the performance was advertised on a poster, but it was really just mud-wrestling. Many more people would have attended the performance if it had been advertised as mud-wrestling.
They finally found an activity they both enjoyed when they realised that they shared an interest in birds. They spent many evenings bird-watching together. He didn't mind when she rambled on about what it would feel like to have birds in your head, and she got used to listening to him talk about how many cabbages you'd have to throw at an orc to make him fall over. Sometimes they noticed Brenda lurking in the shadows, wielding her tennis racket, but she was kept at bay by the presence of Amelia.
The Tree and the Horse
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises
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|very slight stories||
They Met a Bear
They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."
The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.
One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
Eight nine ten.
Debbie and his dog
Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
"Is your dog my parole officer?"
She was sick of people asking her that too.
More blogs about Storytelling.