Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, September 02, 2008


The Woman Eating Crisps

   This story is set in a place that's not too far away from another place. It's about a woman who's eating crisps. She's not too far away from another woman, who's standing on a butterfly. The other woman lets the butterfly go when she remembers that she's supposed to meet someone in the other place. The woman eating crisps only notices that she's all alone when she finishes the crisps. She can hear the sound of the waves, and then she hears the sound of people holding up cards to communicate with each other (they're kicking each other on the shins to attract each other's attention).
   It's getting dark. She goes into a house. She closes the front door behind her. The hall is in darkness. She can still hear the sound of the waves, but she can no longer hear the people. She goes into the living room and she turns on the light. There's someone in the room. She considers the scene before her. She turns the light off and turns it on again, and now there are two people in the room, a man and a woman sitting on chairs at either side of the fireplace. The fire hasn't been lit in months. She thinks about turning the light off and on again, but there's no guarantee that this would have the desired effect. The desired effect is the disappearance of the two people. After considering the problem for a few minutes she decides to turn the light off and leave it off. She leaves the room and goes upstairs to bed.
   When she comes back downstairs in the morning she doesn't need to turn the light on to see that the two people are still there. Turning the light on would be unlikely to make them disappear.
   She thinks about the problem over breakfast. She comes up with the following idea: hiding in the garden shed and pretending she's not at home.
   She hides in the shed for an hour, but when she goes back inside, the people are still there. She tries talking to her dog in the hope that the people will feel as if they're intruding on a private conversation, but this doesn't work either.
   In the afternoon she goes to the shop, and when she comes back the people are gone. She wonders if the hiding was effective after all.
   In the evening she goes outside and eats crisps. She can hear the sound of the waves and of people throwing beans at each other. The woman who had gone to the other place returns. She says there was no one at the other place. The woman eating crisps says, "Why don't I go to the other place this time and you can stay here."

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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