Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008


God's Autobiography

   Late one night when we were on the street preaching about mind control, the good priest emerged from a dark alley. He was covered in blood. The bad priest was sitting by a fire in his study. He was drinking whiskey. We were confused, but God said to us, "Do not be confused. This is all part of my autobiography and I've come up with a brilliant ending that explains everything. It's a twist you'll never see coming."
   So I suppose we'll just have to wait until we get to the end of God's autobiography. Daphne was standing next to a lamp post on the corner of the street. She was waiting for a man called Justin. He was just a tiny dot on a page, and you wouldn't even notice the dot if it wasn't pointed out by an arrow that kept poking him in the back of the head. The ghost of Christmas past was on a bus full of people who didn't know where they were going, and neither did the driver. He'd been driving around the city for years, always on the lookout for something, but he didn't know what it was. The passengers were happy to wallow in the past with the ghost, and the rest, as they say, is part of God's autobiography.
   We were part of each other's diaries. According to mine, we were writing things into our diaries as we sat on a park bench beneath the yellow electric light and the white light of the moon. I've written the following lines into my diary for tomorrow:

   He's up in the air with his hair.
   I'm out of sheep.
   I dislike the jam in my pockets.
   He was joking about the speed of his coconut.
   She tried to tie the worms in knots but they just made her laugh.

   Now I just have to work these lines into tomorrow's plot.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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