Very Slight Stories | Like short stories, only shorter.

'Darcy and O'Mara' is a novel by Arthur Cronin.
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Tuesday, January 06, 2009


The Monkey

   Mathew had a recurring nightmare about his wedding day. He'd be standing at the altar with his bride and the priest would pronounce them husband and wife before saying, "You may now kiss the bride." He'd lift the veil, and only then would he notice that his new wife was a monkey.
   He only mentioned this to one person: Andy, his brother. Andy said, "That's funny, because I have a similar recurring nightmare. When the priest tells me I can kiss the bride I lift her veil and I see the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. She's looking at me as if I mean everything to her, as if I've just made her the happiest person in the world. And then I kiss the priest."
   Mathew chose not to discuss the matter any further with Andy.
   When he got engaged to a woman called Natalie the nightmares became more intense and more frequent, even though there was nothing monkey-like about her. He tried to get the image out of his mind. He closed his eyes and pictured himself at the altar with her. He imagined lifting the veil and seeing her face smiling back at him. That's when he realised what was wrong. He didn't want to marry her. He'd have been relieved if he'd lifted the veil and seen a monkey because it would be easy to get a marriage to a monkey annulled.
   He was walking through the park one evening when he saw some kids playing Frisbee. One of them threw the Frisbee into a tree. Mathew watched as a woman climbed the tree with the speed and agility of a monkey. She threw the Frisbee to the kids, and she was back on the ground within seconds.
   Mathew was convinced that this was a sign. She was the monkey. He asked her how she'd become so good at climbing trees and she said she used to be an acrobat in a circus. He told her he was fascinated by this, and she agreed to let him buy her a drink so she could tell him more about her former career.
   He had the dream about marrying the monkey again that night, only this time it wasn't a nightmare. The monkey smiled at him when he lifted her veil, and he smiled back at her.

The Tree and the Horse
Henry Seaward-Shannon
A Walk in the Rain
The East Cork Patents Office
Words are my favourite noises




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very slight stories

They Met a Bear
  They stopped in a small seaside town and they went for a walk. They met a bear.
  This is one version of the story. In another version, they met a sailor, and in this one they ended up being held at gunpoint on a speedboat and becoming unwilling participants in a diamond robbery while disguised as a cow, and sharing in the proceeds of that crime.
  So when they tell the story they just say, "We met a bear. He waved at us."

The Story of the Fortune Teller and the Alarm Clock
  A fortune teller threw an alarm clock at me. This story is deliberately lacking in details to mock the predictions of the fortune teller. Although she was right when she said she'd throw an alarm clock at me.

  One. Two. Three, the study. Four, a candle stick. Five. Six...
  Seven is missing, presumed dead. One has taken up the case, and two is helping him in his investigations. They both suspect six. Seven was last seen next to six in the garden.
  But seven isn't really dead. He's consumed half a bottle of whiskey and he's currently in the orchard, talking to a rabbit. "One of us is as boring as a gate post," he says, "and it's not..." He stops to count on his fingers. "No, actually it is me."
  Eight nine ten.

Debbie and his dog
  Debbie was sick of people mistaking her for a man.
  "Is your dog my parole officer?"
  She was sick of people asking her that too.

Very Slight Stories: like short stories, only shorter

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